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[dragonfly.git] / games / fortune / datfiles / murphy
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984263bc 1%%$FreeBSD: src/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy,v 1.2.2.3 2001/09/30 22:45:25 kris Exp $
1de703da 2%%$DragonFly: src/games/fortune/datfiles/murphy,v 1.2 2003/06/17 04:25:24 dillon Exp $
984263bc
MD
3When things are going well, someone will inevitably
4experiment detrimentally.
5%
6If not controlled, work will flow to the competent
7man until he submerges.
8%
9The deficiency will never show itself during the test runs.
10%
11The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found
12in the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting.
13%
14It is impossible to build a fool proof system;
15because fools are so ingenious.
16%
17Talent in staff work or sales will continually be
18interpreted as managerial ability.
19%
20Information travels more surely to those with a
21lesser need to know.
22%
23The "think positive" leader tends to listen to his
24subordinate's premonitions only during the postmortems.
25%
26An original idea can never emerge from committee
27in its original form.
28%
29No good deed goes unpunished.
30%
31When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system
32will perform perfectly.
33%
34Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce
35multiple interpretations.
36%
37The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by
38the paper clip of the overlying memo and go to file.
39%
40On successive charts of the same organization, the number of
41boxes will never decrease.
42%
43It is ok to be ignorant in some areas,
44but some people abuse the privilege.
45%
46Everyone breaks more than the seven-year-bad-luck allotment
47to cover rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime.
48%
49Success can be insured only by devising a defense against
50failure of the contingency plan.
51%
52Adding manpower to a late software product makes it later.
53%
54Performance is directly affected by the perversity of
55inanimate objects.
56%
57Leakproof seals --- will.
58%
59Never offend people with style
60when you can offend them with substance.
61%
62Our customers' paperwork is profit.
63Our own paperwork is loss.
64%
65At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
66%
67As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
68%
69This space for rent.
70%
71The more directives you issue to solve a problem,
72the worse it gets.
73%
74Cop-out number 1.
75You should have seen it when I got it.
76%
77When you're up to your ass in alligators, it is
78difficult to keep your mind on the fact that your primary
79objective was to drain the swamp.
80%
81The road to hell is paved with good intentions
82and littered with sloppy analyses!
83%
84Self starters --- won't.
85%
86If the assumptions are wrong,
87the conclusions aren't likely to be very good.
88%
89The organization of any program reflects the organization
90of the people who developed it.
91%
92There is no such thng as a "dirty capitalist",
93only a capitalist.
94%
95Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.
96%
97The meek will inherit the earth
98after the rest of us go to the stars.
99%
100Capitalism can exist in one of only two states:
101welfare or warfare.
102%
103History proves nothing.
104%
105A lot of what appears to be progress is just so much
106technological roccoco.
107%
108A little humility is arrogance.
109%
110Interchangeable parts --- won't.
111%
112Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of
113faults is proportional to the number of viewers.
114%
115All American cars are basically Chevrolets.
116%
117A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not
118take place.
119%
120No experiment is ever a complete failure.
121It can always be used as a bad example.
122%
123Despite the sign that says "wet paint",
124please don't.
125%
126Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
127%
128People don't change; they only become more so.
129%
130I finally got it all together...
131but I forgot where I put it.
132%
133If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is
134because of something left out, rather than added.
135%
136There is always one more bug.
137%
138The big guys always win.
139%
140Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
141%
142Any sufficiently advanced technology is
143indistinguishable from magic.
144%
145It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
146%
147It is better to be part of the idle rich class
148than be part of the idle poor class.
149%
150Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
151%
152For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
153%
154If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough
155chances are someone else will do it for you.
156%
157Everybody's gotta be someplace.
158%
159Nature is a mother.
160%
161If you've got them by the balls,
162their hearts and minds will follow.
163%
164People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell
165them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
166%
167If at first you don't succeed, transform your dataset.
168%
169Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
170%
171Any given program cost more and take longer.
172%
173If a program is useful, it will be changed.
174%
175If a program is useless, it will be documented.
176%
177Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
178%
179The value of a program is proportional
180to the weight of its output.
181%
182Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!
183%
184Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability
185of the programmer who must maintain it.
186%
187Make it possible for programmers to write programs
188in english and you will find that programmers cannot
189write in english.
190%
191When more and more people are thrown out of work,
192unemployment results.
193%
194If you can't measure it, I'm not interested.
195%
196The best way to lie is to tell the truth.....
197carefully edited truth.
198%
199There are three ways to get things done:
200 (1) Do it yourself,
201 (2) Hire someone to do it, or
202 (3) Forbid your kids to do it.
203%
204I think ... therefore I am confused.
205%
206A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
207%
208History repeats itself.
209that's one of the things wrong with history.
210%
21190% of everything is crud.
212%
213Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can.
214%
215Those with the best advice offer no advice.
216%
217Speak softly and own a big, mean doberman.
218%
219Democracy is that form of government where
220everybody gets what the majority deserves.
221%
222If you're worried about being crazy,
223don't be overly concerned:
224If you were, you would think you were sane.
225%
226Pills to be taken in twos always come
227out of the bottle in threes.
228%
229Flynn is dead
230Tron is dead
231long live the MCP.
232%
233Why worry about tomorrow? We may not make it through today!
234%
235Real programmers don't number paragraph names
236consecutively.
237%
238If you're feeling good, don't worry,
239you'll get over it.
240%
241Real programmers don't grumble about the disadvantages
242of Cobol when they don't know any other language.
243%
244Definition of an elephant:
245A mouse built to goverment specifications.
246%
247Real programmers are kind to rookies.
248%
249Real programmers don't notch their desks for each
250completed service request.
251%
252You don't have to be crazy to work here
253but it sure helps!!!!!!!
254%
255Real programmers don't announce how many times the
256operations department called them last night.
257%
258A day without sunshine ....
259is like ... night!
260%
261Real programmers are secure enough to write readable code,
262which they then self-righteously refuse to explain.
263%
264Real programmers don't play video games, they write them.
265%
266Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
267%
268Real programmers understand Pascal.
269%
270Real programmers know it's not operations'
271fault if their jobs go into "hogs".
272%
273Real programmers do not eat breakfast from the
274vending machines.
275%
276Real programmers punch up their own programs.
277%
278When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.
279%
280Real programmers have read the standards manual
281but won't admit it.
282%
283Real programmers don't advertise their hangovers.
284%
285Real programmers don't dress for success unless
286they are trying to convince others that they are
287going on interviews.
288%
289Real programmers do not practice four-syllable words before
290walkthroughs.
291%
292All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
293%
294Real programmers argue with the systems analyst as a
295matter of principle.
296%
297The final test is when it goes production ...
298w h e n i t g o e s p r o d u c t i o n ...
299w h e n i t g o e s p r o d u c t
300w h e n i t g o e s p r o
301%
302Real programmers drink too much coffee so that they will
303always seem tense and overworked.
304%
305Real programmers always have a better idea.
306%
307Anyone who follows a crowd will
308never be followed by a crowd.
309%
310Real programmers can do octal, hexadecimal and
311binary math in their heads.
312%
313Real programmers don't write memos.
314%
315Real programmers know what saad means.
316%
317Real programmers do not utter profanities at an elevated
318decible level.
319%
320Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit.
321%
322Real programmers do not apply DP terminology to non-DP
323situations.
324%
325I no longer get lost in the shuffle....
326I shuffle along with the lost.
327%
328Real programmers do not read books like
329"effective listening" and "communication skills".
330%
331Real programmers print only clean compiles,
332fixing all errors through the terminal.
333%
334The early worm deserves the bird.
335%
336Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way!!
337%
338All good things must come to an end.
339I want to know when they start!
340%
341A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell
342in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
343%
344Blessed are those who go around in circles,
345for they shall be known as wheels.
346%
347Never eat prunes when you are famished.
348%
349Keep emotionally active,
350cater to your favorite neurosis.
351%
352A RACF protected dataset is inaccessible.
353%
354RACF is a four letter word.
355%
356You may be recognized soon.
357Hide!
358If they find you, lie.
359%
360You can pray hard enough to make water run uphill
361how hard?
362Hard enough to make water run uphill.
363%
364Avoid reality at all costs.
365%
366Program design philosophy:
367
368 Start at the beginning and continue until the end,
369 then stop.
370 -- Lewis Carroll
371%
372A closed mouth gathers no foot.
373%
374Only a mediocre person is always at their best.
375%
376Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
377%
378In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level,
379the greater the confusion.
380%
381The first time is for love.
382The next time is $200.
383%
384Of two possible events,
385only the undesired one will occur.
386%
387The faster the plane,
388the narrower the seats.
389%
390If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.
391%
392If on an actuarial basis there is a 50 50 chance that
393something will go wrong,
394It will actually go wrong nine times out of ten.
395%
396A man of quality does not fear a woman seeking equality.
397%
398The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to
399save all of the parts.
400%
4011) Things will get worse before they get better.
4022) Who said things would get better?
403%
404If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
405%
406There is a solution to every problem;
407the only difficulty is finding it.
408%
409Don't make your doctor your heir.
410%
411Don't ask the barber if you need a haircut.
412%
413If there isn't a law, there will be.
414%
415If you don't like the answer,
416you shouldn't have asked the question.
417%
418Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
419%
420You can't expect to hit the jackpot
421if you don't put a few nickles in the machine.
422%
423Unless you intend to kill him immediately; never kick a man
424in the balls, not even symbolically or perhaps especially
425not symbolically.
426%
427Freud's 23rd law: ideas endure and prosper in inverse
428proportion to their soundness and validity.
429%
430A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
431%
432If you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor.
433%
434If you know, you can't say.
435%
436The meek shall inherit the earth,
437but not its mineral rights.
438%
4391) You can't win
4402) You can't break even
4413) You can't even quit the game
442%
443When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.
444%
445Common sense is not so common.
446%
447If we learn by our mistakes,
448I'm getting one hell of an education!!
449%
450Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid the
451embarrassment of estimating the corresponding costs.
452%
453Usefulness is inversely proportional to its reputation
454for being useful.
455%
456You will always find something in the last place you look.
457%
458The probability of anything happening is in
459inverse ratio to its desirability.
460%
461The first myth of management is that it exists
462the second myth of management is that success equals skill.
463%
464If it's good they will stop making it.
465%
466Inside every large program
467is a small program struggling to get out.
468%
469A memorandum is written not to inform the reader
470but to protect the writer.
471%
472Never insult an alligator
473until after you have crossed the river.
474%
475Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.
476%
477When your opponent is down, kick him.
478%
479The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of
480someone he can blame it on.
481%
482The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered
483side down is directly proportional to the cost of the
484carpet.
485%
486In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
487%
488Last guys don't finish nice.
489%
490Never admit anything.
491Never regret anything
492whatever it is, you're not responsible.
493%
494If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.
495%
496When working toward the solution of a problem,
497it always helps if you know the answer.
498Provided of course you know there is a problem.
499%
500The usefulness of any meeting
501is in inverse proportion to the attendance.
502%
503The sun goes down just when you need it the most.
504%
505Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary
506drivel off the tv screen.
507%
508Whatever creates the greatest inconvenience for the largest
509number must happen.
510%
511No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after
512you have bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
513%
514Sanity and insanity overlap a fine gray line.
515%
516A disagreeable task is its own reward.
517%
518If things were left to chance, they'd be better.
519%
520The phone will not ring until you leave your desk and walk
521to the other end of the building.
522%
523Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.
524%
525A president of a democracy is a man who is always ready,
526willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.
527%
528If a thing is done wrong ofter enough
529it becomes right.
530%
531People will buy anything that is one to a customer.
532%
533If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always
534manage to boot yourself in the posterior.
535%
536No one's life, liberty, or property are safe
537while the legislature is in session.
538%
539Never say "oops" after you have submitted a job.
540%
541Bad news drives good news out of the media.
542%
543Just when you get really good at something,
544you don't need to do it anymore.
545%
546If facts do not conform to the theory,
547they must be disposed of.
548%
549Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
550%
551When properly administered, vacations do not diminish
552productivity. For every week you are away and get nothing
553done, there is another week when your boss is away and you
554get twice as much done.
555%
556No matter what happens, there is always somebody
557who knew that it would.
558%
559The other line always moves faster.
560%
561Never eat at a place called moms, never play cards with a
562man named doc, and never lie down with a woman who has
563got more troubles than you.
564%
565To get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
566%
567When all else fails, read the instructions.
568%
569Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than
570you thought.
571%
572"Close" only counts in horseshoes, handgrenades and
573thermonuclear devices.
574%
575The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
576but the calf won't get much sleep.
577%
578If you fool around with a thing for very long you will
579screw it up.
580%
581It is better for civilization to be going down the drain,
582than to be coming up it.
583%
584