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[dragonfly.git] / games / fortune / datfiles / zippy
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984263bc 1%% $FreeBSD: src/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy,v 1.2.2.1 2002/08/09 20:40:29 fanf Exp $
1de703da 2%% $DragonFly: src/games/fortune/datfiles/zippy,v 1.2 2003/06/17 04:25:24 dillon Exp $
984263bc
MD
3A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!!
4%
5A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!
6%
7A shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume..
8%
9A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled
10with LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight??
11%
12Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!!
13%
14All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
15by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
16%
17All of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, grow
18a LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! ... Although I don't know
19WHY!!
20%
21All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat!
22%
23All right, you degenerates! I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds!
24%
25All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT!
26%
27Alright, you!! Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!!
28%
29Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN?
30%
31Am I elected yet?
32%
33Am I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet?
34%
35Am I SHOPLIFTING?
36%
37America!! I saw it all!! Vomiting! Waving! JERRY FALWELLING into
38your void tube of UHF oblivion!! SAFEWAY of the mind ...
39%
40An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!!
41%
42An INK-LING? Sure -- TAKE one!! Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS??
43%
44An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES!
45%
46And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!!
47%
48ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like RICARDO
49MONTALBAN'S HAIR!
50%
51Are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER?
52%
53Are we live or on tape?
54%
55Are we on STRIKE yet?
56%
57Are we THERE yet?
58%
59Are we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!!
60%
61Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut??
62%
63Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS?? If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!!
64%
65Are you still an ALCOHOLIC?
66%
67As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection!
68%
69Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY?
70%
71BARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!!
72%
73Barbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away!
74But Ken says, WOO-WOO!! No credit at "Mr. Liquor"!!
75%
76BARRY ... That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of "I DID IT MY
77WAY" I've ever heard!!
78%
79Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST.
80%
81BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot ...
82%
83BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-
84%
85... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...
86%
87Bo Derek ruined my life!
88%
89Boy, am I glad it's only 1971...
90%
91Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!!
92%
93But they went to MARS around 1953!!
94%
95But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?
96%
97Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead?
98%
99Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE?
100%
101Catsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger!
102%
103CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH!
104%
105Civilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!!
106%
107Clear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!!
108%
109Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS! Remember the SERIAL
110NUMBERS!! Follow the WHIPPLE AVE. EXIT!! Have a FREE PEPSI!! Turn
111LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!! JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!!
112%
113CONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about
114DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE??
115%
116Content: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRONi ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds
117TARTAR SAUCE like an 8" by 10" GLOSSY ...
118%
119Could I have a drug overdose?
120%
121Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations in
122a MALIBU HOT TUB?
123%
124Did I do an INCORRECT THING??
125%
126Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus???
127%
128Did I SELL OUT yet??
129%
130Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA?
131%
132Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy?
133%
134DIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL?
135%
136Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo?
137%
138Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running
139straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the
140dollar!
141%
142Do I have a lifestyle yet?
143%
144Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space?
145%
146Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat??
147%
148Do you like "TENDER VITTLES"?
149%
150Do you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days?
151%
152Does someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me?
153%
154does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS?
155%
156DON'T go!! I'm not HOWARD COSELL!! I know POLISH JOKES ... WAIT!!
157Don't go!! I AM Howard Cosell! ... And I DON'T know Polish jokes!!
158%
159Don't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!
160%
161Don't SANFORIZE me!!
162%
163Don't worry, nobody really LISTENS to lectures in MOSCOW, either! ...
164FRENCH, HISTORY, ADVANCED CALCULUS, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING, BLACK
165STUDIES, SOCIOBIOLOGY! ... Are there any QUESTIONS??
166%
167Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!!
168%
169Eisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!!
170%
171Either CONFESS now or we go to "PEOPLE'S COURT"!!
172%
173Everybody gets free BORSCHT!
174%
175Everybody is going somewhere!! It's probably a garage sale or a
176disaster Movie!!
177%
178Everywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT ...
179%
180Excuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the survival of
181OFFSET PRINTING?
182%
183FEELINGS are cascading over me!!!
184%
185Finally, Zippy drives his 1958 RAMBLER METROPOLITAN into the faculty
186dining room.
187%
188First, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test ... So
189just plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!!
190%
191FOOLED you! Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!!
192%
193for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!!
194%
195Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my
196gothic solarium!!
197%
198FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS ...
199%
200FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!!
201%
202Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make my
203satellite dish PAYMENTS!
204%
205Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ...
206%
207Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!!
208%
209Go on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!!
210%
211GOOD-NIGHT, everybody ... Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID to my
212pet LEISURE SUIT!!
213%
214HAIR TONICS, please!!
215%
216Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste!
217%
218Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard -- I'm living for
219today!
220%
221Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES??
222%
223Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? ... Now, it's
224time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!!
225%
226... he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE.
227%
228He is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him --
229%
230He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me
231like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd like to
232PSYCHOLIGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING
233MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess I should call AL PACINO!
234%
235HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!
236%
237HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!!
238%
239Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!!
240%
241Hello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan
242females!!
243%
244Hello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES
245being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!!
246%
247Hello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA! World War III? No
248thanks!
249%
250Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I
251guess ...
252%
253Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample
254bottles ...
255%
256Here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!!
257%
258Here I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN
259anywhere!!
260%
261Here we are in America ... when do we collect unemployment?
262%
263Hey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!! ... you're not Clint Eastwood!!
264%
265Hey, waiter! I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce!
266%
267Hiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some
268drunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!!
269%
270Hmmm ... a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT by a
271TROLLEY-CAR ...
272%
273Hmmm ... A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted
274island, when ...
275%
276Hmmm ... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET
277FIDDLE ORCHESTRA ... ha ... ha ...
278%
279Hmmm ... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL
280CHLORIDE ...
281%
282Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS ...
283%
284HOORAY, Ronald!! Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!!
285%
286How do I get HOME?
287%
288How do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions? It's th'
289MOUSTACHE ... Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates SINCERITY,
290HONESTY & WARMTH? It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take HOME and introduce
291to NANCY SINATRA!
292%
293How many returned bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing PENCIL
294SHARPENERS right NOW??
295%
296How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS??
297%
298How's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism?
299%
300hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub.
301%
302HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!!
303%
304HUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST ...
305%
306I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!!
307%
308I am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut.
309%
310I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927!
311%
312I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller!
313%
314I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST!
315%
316I am having FUN... I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN?
317%
318I am NOT a nut....
319%
320I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!!
321%
322I brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!!
323%
324I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!!
325%
326I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!! I wonder if BOB
327GUCCIONE has these problems!
328%
329I can't think about that. It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of
330LITTLE LULU -- or ROBOTS making BRICKS ...
331%
332I demand IMPUNITY!
333%
334I didn't order any WOO-WOO ... Maybe a YUBBA ... But no WOO-WOO!
335%
336I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE ... I think it's all
337just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell
338more numbers!!
339%
340... I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q.
341LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE!
342%
343I don't know WHY I said that ... I think it came from the FILLINGS in
344my read molars ...
345%
346... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN.
347%
348I don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!!
349%
350I feel ... JUGULAR ...
351%
352I feel better about world problems now!
353%
354I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon!
355%
356I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV ...
357%
358I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!!
359%
360I feel partially hydrogenated!
361%
362I fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies of the
363"WATCHTOWER" and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to the top ... They look NICE
364in the yard ...
365%
366I guess it was all a DREAM ... or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O ...
367%
368I guess you guys got BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING!
369%
370I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81 ...
371%
372I had pancake makeup for brunch!
373%
374I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD
375%
376I have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you.
377%
378I have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!!
379%
380I have accepted Provolone into my life!
381%
382I have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS..
383%
384... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ...
385%
386-- I have seen the FUN --
387%
388I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ...
389%
390I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... I have read the
391INSTRUCTIONS ...
392%
393I have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!!
394%
395I HAVE to buy a new "DODGE MISER" and two dozen JORDACHE JEANS because
396my viewscreen is "USER-FRIENDLY"!!
397%
398I haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling
399every day from Oral Roberts!!
400%
401I hope I bought the right relish ... zzzzzzzzz ...
402%
403I hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have a REASON to
404live!!
405%
406I hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control ...
407%
408I hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half your life
409savings in yeast!!
410%
411I invented skydiving in 1989!
412%
413I joined scientology at a garage sale!!
414%
415I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
416%
417I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker ... But now I can't remember WHO he
418is ...
419%
420I just had a NOSE JOB!!
421%
422I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON!
423%
424I just heard the SEVENTIES were over!! And I was just getting in touch
425with my LEISURE SUIT!!
426%
427I just remembered something about a TOAD!
428%
429I KAISER ROLL?! What good is a Kaiser Roll without a little COLE SLAW
430on the SIDE?
431%
432I Know A Joke
433%
434I know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!!
435%
436I know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!!
437%
438I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!!
439%
440I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!!
441%
442I like the way ONLY their mouths move ... They look like DYING OYSTERS
443%
444I like your SNOOPY POSTER!!
445%
446-- I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away
447now. I fed the cat.
448%
449I love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to "WIPE-OUT" in
4501965!!
451%
452I need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least six studio
453SLEAZEBALLS!!
454%
455I once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!!
456%
457I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank!
458%
459I put aside my copy of "BOWLING WORLD" and think about GUN CONTROL
460legislation..
461%
462I represent a sardine!!
463%
464I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers!
465%
466... I see TOILET SEATS ...
467%
468I selected E5 ... but I didn't hear "Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs"!
469%
470I smell a RANCID CORN DOG!
471%
472I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day!
473%
474I think I am an overnight sensation right now!!
475%
476... I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with a few common
477MISAPPREHENSIONS ...
478%
479I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STORY WINDOW while
480reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!!
481%
482I think my career is ruined!
483%
484I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the HIGH
485RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!!
486%
487... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!!
488%
489I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!!
490%
491I want a WESSON OIL lease!!
492%
493I want another RE-WRITE on my CAESAR SALAD!!
494%
495I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n
496secure!!
497%
498... I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within
499SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!!
500%
501I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres.
502%
503I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with VASELINE
504and WHEAT THINS ...
505%
506I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!!
507%
508I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!
509%
510... I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!
511%
512I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space ...
513%
514I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!!
515%
516I want you to MEMORIZE the collected poems of EDNA ST VINCENT MILLAY
517... BACKWARDS!!
518%
519I want you to organize my PASTRY trays ... my TEA-TINS are gleaming in
520formation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES -- please don't be FURIOUS with
521me --
522%
523I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution!
524%
525I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus!
526%
527I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!!
528%
529I wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog!
530%
531I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems!
532%
533I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world?
534%
535I wonder if I ought to tell them about my PREVIOUS LIFE as a COMPLETE
536STRANGER?
537%
538I wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!!
539%
540I wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight?
541%
542I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool --
543%
544I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried!
545%
546I'd like some JUNK FOOD ... and then I want to be ALONE --
547%
548I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!!
549%
550I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS ...
551%
552I'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany
553%
554I'm a GENIUS! I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN
555SONTAG!!
556%
557I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex!
558%
559I'm also against BODY-SURFING!!
560%
561I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!!
562%
563I'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!!
564%
565I'm changing the CHANNEL ... But all I get is commercials for "RONCO
566MIRACLE BAMBOO STEAMERS"!
567%
568I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!!
569%
570I'm definitely not in Omaha!
571%
572I'm DESPONDENT ... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this
573miniature DOMED STADIUM ...
574%
575I'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!! Too late...
576%
577I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!!
578%
579I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!!
580%
581I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!!
582%
583I'm gliding over a NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP near ATLANTA, Georgia!!
584%
585I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!!
586%
587I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS!
588%
589I'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE ... and I don't take any DRUGS
590%
591I'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!!
592%
593I'm having an emotional outburst!!
594%
595I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE in
596my PAJAMA POCKET??
597%
598I'm having BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS about the INSIPID WIVES of smug and
599wealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS ...
600%
601I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!!
602%
603... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM
604of a KOSHER DELI --
605%
606I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS.
607%
608I'm into SOFTWARE!
609%
610I'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my
611PERSONAL SPACE!!
612%
613I'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? Where's ROD
614STERLING when you really need him?
615%
616I'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!!
617%
618I'm not available for comment..
619%
620I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT! Am I doing it correctly??
621%
622I'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS instead of RICARDO
623MONTALBAN!
624%
625I'm QUIETLY reading the latest issue of "BOWLING WORLD" while my wife
626and two children stand QUIETLY BY ...
627%
628I'm rated PG-34!!
629%
630I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!!
631%
632I'm RELIGIOUS!! I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! Equip me with
633MISSILES!!
634%
635I'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do the Latin
636Hustle now!
637%
638I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!!
639%
640I'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN ... To me, it's ENJOYABLE ... I'm WARM
641... I'm VIBRATORY ...
642%
643I'm thinking about DIGITAL READ-OUT systems and computer-generated
644IMAGE FORMATIONS ...
645%
646I'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of
647CHICKEN ...
648%
649I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the INNER
650WORKINGS of this POTATO!!
651%
652I'm wearing PAMPERS!!
653%
654I'm wet! I'm wild!
655%
656I'm young ... I'm HEALTHY ... I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR
657REGIONS!
658%
659I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode.
660%
661I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT ...
662%
663I've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your
664SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!
665%
666I've read SEVEN MILLION books!!
667%
668... ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr ... ich lande im
669antiken Rom ... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble ... ich rieche
670PIZZA ...
671%
672If a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD for
673MONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE of a
674GREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!!
675%
676If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old
677houseboy ...
678%
679If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again!
680%
681If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
682replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
683%
684If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT!
685%
686If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th' collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!!
687%
688... If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate
689man!!
690%
691If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST!
692%
693if it GLISTENS, gobble it!!
694%
695If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun!
696%
697If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry
698Bonzo??
699%
700In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a "Continental
701Belt," for $10.99!!
702%
703In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day!
704%
705INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!!
706%
707Inside, I'm already SOBBING!
708%
709Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship? Or are we suffering in
710Safeway?
711%
712Is he the MAGIC INCA carrying a FROG on his shoulders?? Is the FROG
713his GUIDELIGHT?? It is curious that a DOG runs already on the
714ESCALATOR ...
715%
716Is it 1974? What's for SUPPER? Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in one
717wild afternoon??
718%
719Is it clean in other dimensions?
720%
721Is it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop in a
722plate of SAUCE MORNAY?
723%
724Is something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN?
725%
726Is this an out-take from the "BRADY BUNCH"?
727%
728Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy?
729%
730Is this TERMINAL fun?
731%
732Is this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also
733makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR?
734%
735Isn't this my STOP?!
736%
737It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!!
738%
739It was a JOKE!! Get it?? I was receiving messages from DAVID
740LETTERMAN!! YOW!!
741%
742It's a lot of fun being alive ... I wonder if my bed is made?!?
743%
744It's NO USE ... I've gone to "CLUB MED"!!
745%
746It's OBVIOUS ... The FURS never reached ISTANBUL ... You were an EXTRA
747in the REMAKE of "TOPKAPI" ... Go home to your WIFE ... She's making
748FRENCH TOAST!
749%
750It's OKAY -- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too.
751%
752It's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!!
753%
754JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach their level
755of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING ...
756%
757Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!!
758%
759Jesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL ...
760%
761Kids, don't gross me off ... "Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE" can be
762carried too FAR!
763%
764Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA,
765PESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!!
766%
767Laundry is the fifth dimension!! ... um ... um ... th' washing machine
768is a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!!
769%
770LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??!
771%
772Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you ... I want to WRAP you in a
773SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE ... I want to EMPTY your
774ASHTRAYS ...
775%
776Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ...
777%
778Let's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!!
779%
780Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories!
781%
782Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!!
783%
784Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!!
785%
786Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!!
787%
788Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS ... or a
789HIGHBALL?? ...
790%
791Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge
792card!
793%
794Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich!
795%
796LOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and "Flock of
797Seagulls" HAIRCUTS!
798%
799Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!!
800%
801Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP in a
802cheap hotel in HONOLULU!
803%
804Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE --
805%
806MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician!
807%
808MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION!
809%
810Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the
811shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a
812TORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and
813SUGAR!! ... Let's see ... Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE,
814BABY LAMBS fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded
815animal someone once PETTED!! ... YUM!! That was GOOD!! For DESSERT,
816I'll have a TOFU BURGER with BEAN SPROUTS on a stone-ground, WHOLE
817WHEAT BUN!!
818%
819Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production of
820the INDONESIAN archipelago?
821%
822My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!!
823%
824My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off ... It has noiseless DOZE
825FUNCTION and full kitchen!!
826%
827My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New
828York!!
829%
830My EARS are GONE!!
831%
832My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's
833care!!!!
834%
835My haircut is totally traditional!
836%
837MY income is ALL disposable!
838%
839My LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN ...
840%
841My life is a patio of fun!
842%
843My mind is a potato field ...
844%
845My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton ...
846%
847My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie ...
848%
849my NOSE is NUMB!
850%
851... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling
852Alley!!
853%
854My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!!
855%
856My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift!
857%
858My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!!
859%
860My vaseline is RUNNING...
861%
862NANCY!! Why is everything RED?!
863%
864NATHAN ... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!! They're VOIDED -- They
865COLLAPSED They had no CHAINSAWS ... They had no MONEY MACHINES ... They
866did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS ... Nathan, I EMULATED them ... but
867they were OFF-KEY ...
868%
869NEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!!
870%
871Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!
872%
873Not SENSUOUS ... only "FROLICSOME" ... and in need of DENTAL WORK ...
874in PAIN!!!
875%
876Now I am depressed ...
877%
878Now I think I just reached the state of HYPERTENSION that comes JUST
879BEFORE you see the TOTAL at the SAFEWAY CHECKOUT COUNTER!
880%
881Now I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"!
882%
883Now I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP with the
884BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!!
885%
886Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World
887War II!
888%
889Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beautiful, round wives of
890HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached
891by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT ...
892%
893Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS ...
894%
895Now my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the SMELTING
896and REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!!
897%
898Now that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!!
899%
900... Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!!
901%
902Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!!
903%
904Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE --
905%
906Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!!
907%
908Oh, I get it!! "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY??
909%
910Okay ... I'm going home to write the "I HATE RUBIK's CUBE HANDBOOK FOR
911DEAD CAT LOVERS" ...
912%
913OKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING, FULLY-EQUIPPED
914R.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!!
915%
916OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O
917and a BIG WRENCH!! ... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if
918it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT ... ... or ... I ... um ... WHERE'S
919the WASHING MACHINES?
920%
921On SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS
922PHILBIN ... It's GREAT to be ALIVE!!
923%
924On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL
925QUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!!
926%
927On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a
928POINT.
929%
930Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of
931DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY
932VALUES!!
933%
934Once, there was NO fun ... This was before MENU planning, FASHION
935statements or NAUTILUS equipment ... Then, in 1985 ... FUN was
936completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP ... It contain 14,768 vaguely
937amusing SIT-COM pilots!! We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we
938finally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV and a large selection of creme-filled
939snack cakes!
940%
941One FISHWICH coming up!!
942%
943ONE: I will donate my entire "BABY HUEY" comic book collection to
944 the downtown PLASMA CENTER ...
945TWO: I won't START a BAND called "KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD" ...
946THREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!!
947%
948... or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last
949Tuesday?
950%
951Our father who art in heaven ... I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY at this
952table will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN ... and also
953leave a GENEROUS TIP ....
954%
955over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting ...
956%
957OVER the underpass! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE and BEYOND
958REPAIR!!
959%
960PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH?
961%
962Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE with your
963BOOTH!
964%
965PEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT.
966%
967PIZZA!!
968%
969Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS in the
970Trianon Room!! Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES!
971%
972Please come home with me ... I have Tylenol!!
973%
974Psychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!!
975%
976PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!!
977%
978Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
979%
980RELATIVES!!
981%
982Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by
983prescription!!
984%
985RHAPSODY in Glue!
986%
987SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright blue LEG WARMERS
988... He scrubs the POPE with a mild soap or detergent for 15 minutes,
989starring JANE FONDA!!
990%
991Send your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474, San Francisco, CA
99294140, USA
993%
994SHHHH!! I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS into
995empty OIL DRUMS ...
996%
997Should I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley?
998%
999Should I get locked in the PRINCICAL'S OFFICE today -- or have a
1000VASECTOMY??
1001%
1002Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK
1003hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST?
1004%
1005Sign my PETITION.
1006%
1007So this is what it feels like to be potato salad
1008%
1009So, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYABEAN FUTURES into HIGH-YIELD T-BILL
1010INDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks will DWINDLE to a rate of 2
1011SHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!!
1012%
1013someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN
1014%
1015Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!!
1016%
1017Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB
1018CHOP!!
1019%
1020Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up a
1021batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!!
1022%
1023Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing "Leave it
1024to Beaver"!
1025%
1026Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why?
1027%
1028TAILFINS!! ... click ...
1029%
1030 Talking Pinhead Blues:
1031Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on channel
1032 TWENTY-SIX!!
1033
1034Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS has been
1035 DEAD for YEARS.. (sniff)
1036
1037My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th' dog, ALEXANDER HAIG
1038 won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter ... (snurf)
1039
1040So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me upside mah HAID!!
1041 (on no, no, no.. Heh, heh)
1042%
1043TAPPING? You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash
1044Cycle" is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?!
1045%
1046Tex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!! Take me to
1047Minnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!!
1048%
1049Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL
1050%
1051Thank god!! ... It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!!
1052%
1053The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth
1054the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!!
1055%
1056The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality --
1057and have since BIRTH!!
1058%
1059The fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading down my
1060SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!!
1061%
1062The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN ...
1063%
1064... the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued
1065OYSTER! Yum!
1066%
1067The Korean War must have been fun.
1068%
1069... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
1070%
1071The Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at
1072dawn!!!
1073%
1074The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!!
1075%
1076The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!! But they went to MARS
1077around 1953!!
1078%
1079The SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU ...
1080%
1081There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS
1082in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!!
1083%
1084There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni!
1085%
1086These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!!
1087%
1088They collapsed ... like nuns in the street ... they had no teen
1089appeal!
1090%
1091This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD ... He's so ... so ... URGENT!!
1092%
1093This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!!
1094%
1095This MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up
1096against someone's MARTINI!!
1097%
1098... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!
1099%
1100This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!!
1101%
1102This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE ... And he has "VISA"!!
1103%
1104This TOPS OFF my partygoing experience! Someone I DON'T LIKE is
1105talking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film ...
1106%
1107Those aren't WINOS -- that's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST, my SWORD
1108SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!!
1109%
1110Thousands of days of civilians ... have produced a ... feeling for the
1111aesthetic modules --
1112%
1113Today, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of TAB HUNTER
1114before his MAKEOVER!
1115%
1116Toes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES ...
1117Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!
1118%
1119TONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN??
1120%
1121Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader
1122frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend?
1123%
1124Uh-oh!! I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS!
1125%
1126UH-OH!! I put on "GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's" by
1127mistake!!!
1128%
1129UH-OH!! I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S having a
1130NERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!! Ha ha.
1131%
1132Uh-oh!! I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!!
1133%
1134UH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS!
1135%
1136Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE!
1137%
1138VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
1139%
1140Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and
1141TAX-DEFERRED!
1142%
1143Wait ... is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat
1144Junction??
1145%
1146Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!!
1147%
1148We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot
1149tub ...
1150%
1151We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR --
1152%
1153We just joined the civil hair patrol!
1154%
1155We place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home.
115645 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head!
1157%
1158Well, here I am in AMERICA.. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I
1159HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE ...
1160EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!!
1161%
1162Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to
1163VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
1164%
1165Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN ... I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES
1166ROOM ...
1167%
1168Well, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL
1169DESPAIR!
1170%
1171Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE?
1172%
1173What a COINCIDENCE! I'm an authorized "SNOOTS OF THE STARS" dealer!!
1174%
1175What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY?
1176%
1177What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK ...
1178%
1179What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf?
1180%
1181What PROGRAM are they watching?
1182%
1183What UNIVERSE is this, please??
1184%
1185What's the MATTER Sid? ... Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory?
1186%
1187When I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP or
1188DETERGENT for 15 minutes. He seemed to enjoy it ...
1189%
1190When this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN ...
1191%
1192When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING?
1193%
1194When you said "HEAVILY FORESTED" it reminded me of an overdue CLEANING
1195BILL ... Don't you SEE? O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE COIN COLLECTION
1196and HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!!
1197%
1198Where do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER?
1199%
1200Where does it go when you flush?
1201%
1202Where's SANDY DUNCAN?
1203%
1204Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT??
1205%
1206Where's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!!
1207%
1208While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, Jesuit
1209priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!!
1210%
1211While you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S bank account ... his
1212will have the same effect as two "STARCH BLOCKERS"!
1213%
1214WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?!
1215%
1216WHOA!! Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!! It must be the
1217NEGATIVE IONS!!
1218%
1219Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me??
1220%
1221Why don't you ever enter and CONTESTS, Marvin?? Don't you know your
1222own ZIPCODE?
1223%
1224Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex?
1225%
1226Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT
1227CENTER with you??
1228%
1229Will it improve my CASH FLOW?
1230%
1231Will the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air?
1232%
1233Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease?
1234%
1235With YOU, I can be MYSELF ... We don't NEED Dan Rather ...
1236%
1237World War III? No thanks!
1238%
1239World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced
1240dress code!
1241%
1242Wow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it!
1243%
1244Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"!
1245%
1246Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON
1247MAIDEN concert?
1248%
1249You can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!!
1250%
1251You mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR th'
1252distinction between FANTASY and REALITY?
1253%
1254You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA?
1255%
1256YOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!!
1257%
1258You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW
1259CAREER!!
1260%
1261You were s'posed to laugh!
1262%
1263YOU!! Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little VICTORIAN
1264DOLLHOUSE you can find!! An make it SNAPPY!!
1265%
1266Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS --
1267%
1268Youth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental
1269attitudes!
1270%
1271Yow!
1272%
1273Yow! Am I having fun yet?
1274%
1275Yow! Am I in Milwaukee?
1276%
1277Yow! And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights!
1278%
1279Yow! Are we laid back yet?
1280%
1281Yow! Are we wet yet?
1282%
1283Yow! Are you the self-frying president?
1284%
1285Yow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie??
1286%
1287Yow! I just went below the poverty line!
1288%
1289Yow! I threw up on my window!
1290%
1291Yow! I want my nose in lights!
1292%
1293Yow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua!
1294%
1295Yow! I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel
1296mill!
1297%
1298Yow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce!
1299%
1300Yow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof?
1301%
1302Yow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it??
1303%
1304Yow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank!
1305%
1306Yow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping!
1307%
1308Yow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY --
1309%
1310Yow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING
1311BALL when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!
1312%
1313Yow! Now we can become alcoholics!
1314%
1315Yow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!!
1316%
1317Yow! We're going to a new disco!
1318%
1319YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
1320%
1321YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!!
1322%
1323YOW!! Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY and th' new TAX REFORM
1324laws!!
1325%
1326YOW!! The land of the rising SONY!!
1327%
1328YOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!!
1329%
1330YOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth of
1331CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND!
1332%
1333YOW!!! I am having fun!!!
1334%
1335Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses ...